Having a baby is one of the hardest things you can put your relationship through.
Going from a couple, two adults that can do whatever they want whenever they want – to being two exhausted adults at the beacon and call of a tiny human being that needs something from you at every moment of the day, is difficult.
You are exhausted. Waking up multiple times a night to feed, change, and rock a baby back to sleep doesn’t sound like a lot of work.. but when you’re half asleep and this is the third time you’ve been up – it is. As a new mom, you take significantly less care of yourself which causes a lot of insecurity. Trying to keep your relationship alive is the last thing you are thinking of. But eventually, your children will leave the nest and all you will have is your person. The person you chose all those years ago. Will you still like them if you never worked on your relationship?
- Play a silly game to remind him (and yourself) why you love him. At the end of the night, every night, my husband and I say “I love you” and then he’ll ask “why” and I give him three reasons why I loved him that day. He does the same in return. This allows us to focus on positive instead of negative things.
- Schedule time together. Sounds very predictable, but if its on the calendar.. it cannot be ignored. Whether you have an actual date with an actual babysitter or you have an at home date after bedtime – plan to spend that time together.
- Check in with each other throughout the day. If you stay at home, you know how the day can get hectic with little ones – checking in with your spouse reminds him that in the chaos of the day – you’re thinking of him.
- Remember the little things. Celebrate a silly random anniversary, buy the snack you know he really likes, leave him a note in his lunch box. Don’t forget about all the cute little things you did in the beginning – don’t stop doing them.
- Ask the other person about their day and when they answer, really listen. Don’t half listen while watching a youtube video. Don’t look at them with one eye and your phone with the other. Give them your full attention. Chances are you haven’t seen each other all day – why would you want to make them feel less important?
- Communicate. If you live two different lives – he at work, you at home – your time together is probably slim. Don’t waste that time being mad, resentful, upset, etc. Instead just tell him what’s wrong so you can work it out and move forward.
Obviously this is not fool proof, but these are my tips to how we make it work while having two under 2.5 years old. Life is chaotic, don’t forget to include the person you chose to spend your life with.